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Signs you may have an Eating Disorder

It can be very difficult to notice the early signs of an eating disorder, and therefore an eating disorder is sometimes referred to as a ‘secret illness’. Some of the subtle signs to look out for in yourself or your loved one include: becoming obsessive about food and calories, skipping meals, disappearing to the toilet after meals, changes in body weight, a change in usual behaviours, distorted views about body shape and size, excessive exercising, tiredness and difficulty concentrating, isolating oneself and withdrawing from social situations.

How to talk to a loved one about an eating disorder if you are worried about them or they don’t want help:

Choose a place where you both feel safe and won’t be disturbed, try to have the conversation 1:1

  • Choose a time when neither of you feels angry or upset. Avoid any time just before or after meals.

  • Have some information with you that you can refer to if you’re able to. You could share it with them, or leave it with them to look at by themselves.

  • Try not to use language that could feel accusatory. “I wondered if you’d like to talk about how you’re feeling” is a gentler approach than “You need to get help”, for example.

  • They may be angry and defensive. Try to avoid getting angry in response, and don’t be disheartened or put off. Reassure them that you’ll be there when they’re ready, and that your concern is their wellbeing.

  • Be gentle but firm, and clear that the reason you’ve raised this is not to criticise – it’s that you’re concerned and care for them.

  • If they acknowledge that they need help, encourage them to seek it as quickly as possible.

  • If they tell you there’s nothing wrong, even if they seem convincing, keep an eye on them and keep in mind that they may be ill even if they don’t realise it. Denial that there’s a problem is common – in the case of anorexia, it’s considered a symptom of the illness. You were worried for a reason, so trust your judgement. Remember eating disorders thrive on secrecy so keeping quiet won’t help.

  • It can be helpful to explore their reason for not seeking treatment in a calm and supportive manner.

  • Reassure them that you want to see them get better and that you’re here to support them through treatment – they don’t have to do it alone.